Sometimes I’m really bad at sharing life updates, big and small, on ye old blog. I am usually better on Instagram, because that truly still is, for the most part, “A Daily Something.” For those not on Instagram or for those who may have missed the title of this blog post, I’m expecting again! Baby number 4 is due mid-July, and we’re having another GIRL!
I only (still?) have 6 more weeks until my due date. At the beginning of this pregnancy, my intention was to share regular updates on both the blog and Instagram, but I’ve failed on that front. I do have so much to share about this pregnancy, but oh, the problem of never having “enough” time to do all the things we intend. I suppose I’ll chat about this pregnancy briefly by trimester since pregnancy is already so nicely divided up into 3 sections. Today is all about the first trimester.
Oh, the wicked first trimester. I already forget lots of the details, but all I have to do is look back at my texts with my midwife to be reminded of those first few days of a late period and the great unknown. My poor, dear midwife Kelly, who has dealt with so many of my emotions over the years.
It was mid-November and I was 6 days late, in denial, and I refused to take a test. I was so nervous and apprehensive about the possibility of actually being pregnant, again. We were not planning a pregnancy, and I wasn’t ready. Jojo was barely 1. I thought he was my last. Being pregnant again wasn’t what I wanted or what I was ready for. She offered to stop by with a test and some chocolate. I declined, because I was still in denial.
The next day, 7 days late, I finally found the courage and dug out an old pregnancy test and did the deed. It was positive. I cried. I was so upset. I angrily texted Kelly. A few minutes later, I received this text, “I already love this baby. I’ll love it for you until you can.” And then I just sat there and cried tears of unworthiness, tears of thankfulness for a friend like Kelly, tears of guilt, tears of apprehension. All the tears.
By 6 weeks, around Christmastime, I was already feeling incredibly sick. Pile together the disbelief of an unexpected pregnancy, the guilt associated with 1. not wanting another baby and 2. having no energy to care for or nurture your already-born children, and no desire or energy to do anything, especially business-related, and you’ve got a pretty miserable-to-be-around Rebecca.
With each of my pregnancies, I’ve had afternoon-evening sickness instead of traditional “morning sickness.” I never vomited during any of my pregnancies, and I’m so grateful for that. But being on the verge for hours on end is almost as bad. Almost. I’d wake up in the morning full of energy and no trace of sickness. I was hangry as soon as I’d wake up, and need to eat a big breakfast ASAP. Throughout the morning, I’d feel sick, but it’d go away if I ate something small – some nuts, fruit, etc. Then, after lunch, anytime between 2 pm and 4 pm, the nausea would commence. It’d last until sometime in the middle of the night.
To cope, I usually just laid on the couch, and the kids watched tv or read books or hopefully played quietly together. We started eating dinner earlier, and then Joe took over caring for the children from after dinner onwards. Playtime, baths, bedtime routines, he did it all. After all that, he even tried to clean the kitchen (but never up to my standards).
Food never repulsed me, in fact, it usually always sounded good. Some things, like coffee and chocolate, didn’t appeal, but I wasn’t thoroughly bothered by the thought or smell of these things. We tried to eat dinner by 5 or 5:30, and then I’d be IN BED by 7:30 or 8. I’m so thankful I was able to sleep away the majority of my sickness.
I started seeing my midwife for our monthly visits at the end of my first trimester, and this made my reality so much more tangible. Her love and care for what she does and for unborn babies and for her mamas is just incredible, and I am grateful (understatement of the year) for her friendship.
I’m also super indebted to my friends. Whether they know it or not, they really helped me through my first trimester. Challenging me to keep going, to keep creating, to be ok with my feelings. A few friends were also pregnant at the same time, and it was so helpful to be able to “compare notes” and know that I wasn’t alone. It’s amazing how just knowing someone else is in your shoes is enough to keep you from complaining or to keep you sane.
My dear friend Joy is just one of those friends. She trekked all the way to my house a few times in the first trimester, and it was just what my soul needed. She brought her little Ollie and her little Evie baby belly and lots of love. We played with flowers one time near the end of my first trimester, and these photos are from our time together. Hiding behind that flower arrangement was my emerging baby bump (it was still a secret, so I asked her to keep it hidden). Joy, you’re a wonderful friend, and I love you!
This pretty much sums up my first trimester, and I’ll share more about the remainder of this pregnancy in two more blog posts! Thanks for reading along and being a part of this ever-changing journey! Here are a few survival tactics, especially relevant for the first trimester.
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