Perhaps Ballerina Farm is actually living her dream life.

I’ve been following Ballerina Farm, or Hannah Neeleman, for awhile now – I’ve watched her go from a couple hundred thousand followers to 1 million followers and then to nearly 10 million followers. We both gave birth at home around the same time. I sobbed when she won the Mrs. American pageant in 2023. Like many, I’ve watched her *picture perfect* ballerina farm life and thought to myself “wow, I should get off the couch and start making pasta from scratch” while simultaneously thinking “that’s just way too much work.”

I’m lazy.  

I don’t know Hannah Neeleman or her husband Daniel. I don’t know anything about their relationship. I’ve only seen what they’ve chosen to share online to their followers. Just like what I’ve chosen to share online here in my little slice of the internet. Little corners in our homes; mostly the good, and occasionally the *bad* and maybe even a little *ugly* to make us more relatable and human. But never (or rarely) the full picture. Perhaps that’s reserved for the IRL bestie or mom, or maybe no one, but definitely not the thousands or millions of stranger followers.

I don’t know Hannah and Daniel’s hearts and I don’t know their secrets (we all have them). I know what I see, and this is my explanation of what I see.

The internet is upset for a few main reasons. Some say “she has no voice” or, “her husband forced her to give up her dreams.” Or better yet, “she could have been so much more.” And others are just angry because somehow she “has it all.” 

They don’t approve of her choices. Her choice to get married to a manly man. Her choice to have babies. Not just babies, but LOTS of babies. Her choice to birth her babies in her home, without medication. Her choice to turn away from a potential career as a ballerina. 

The internet believes she should have chosen differently. If she had chosen differently, namely, if she had rejected Daniel and this new life with him, her life would have been better. More fulfilling. More empowered. More meaningful. 

Here are a few of my thoughts on the situation that has become a national debate after The Times article. 

ONE. It is possible to have many dreams and to sacrifice the ultimate fulfillment of one to fulfill another, higher priority dream. Maybe Hannah Neeleman is actually living her dream life?

The internet is furious that Daniel “whisked” Hannah away to Brazil and then to Utah, away from her dream of being a professional ballerina. She was a GOOD ballerina. She studied at (and graduated from) The Julliard School. Apparently Julliard only accepts 12 female students per year. She “gave up that dream” to ultimately follow her husband to Utah and to become farmers and raise their children.

Hannah graduated from Julliard with her newborn Henry in her arms. Did she want to continue living in NYC and be a ballerina for the rest of her life? It sounds like when she met and married Daniel and they decided to start a family, her plans changed. Did she now want to be a wife and have children and be an entrepreneur? She says she did, and who am I to doubt her word?

From experience, I know it’s possible to have one dream (for example, to become a lawyer) AND to have another dream (for example, to one day become a wife and mother). And sometimes, we stop pursuing one dream to make way for the other to become a reality. We go to college and prepare to go to law school. We meet a guy and realize he’s the one. We graduate from college but decide not to pursue law school (or professional dancing). We give up something great in exchange for something so much better.

We lay it on the altar, so to speak, because we want to mother our children and take care of our homes and be fully present with our family. Those are our highest priorities and so decisions and plans shift.

Many “tradwives” are able to achieve multiple goals and dreams simultaneously. They manage to run a business WHILE simultaneously running their households. They feed their children meals primarily made from scratch AND they create content for their vast online followings. They plan homeschool lessons AND write blog posts and email newsletters. Sometimes this means they have extra help, like childcare or a house cleaner or a homeschool teacher. And sometimes it means they’re just really hard working people that survive off a lot less sleep than the rest of us sloths.

TWO. Hannah isn’t *just* a “tradwife.” She’s a little of everything, and has everything, and it really makes people mad.

She’s a wife and mother. She’s a successful entrepreneur. She’s beautiful. She’s sexy. She’s eloquent.

She’s had 6 unmedicated home births and 2 hospital births. The internet is up in arms that Hannah admitted that her epidural “was kinda great.” Apparently, Daniel wasn’t able to attend this birth and Hannah chose an epidural. I don’t even want to imagine having a natural birth without my husband’s support ― I would have chosen to have an epidural every single time if I had to do it without him. He’s my support, my rock, my strength. I had to have an unplanned c-section with my oldest and had to have an epidural before they cut me open. Guess what? After laboring unmedicated for over 8 hours, the epidural was kinda great. Did I choose to have all hospital births with epidurals? No. Was I punishing myself by not having epidurals the remaining 4 times? No. Did my husband force me to have unmedicated vaginal home births? Haha, no! I had to convince him it was a good plan.

What else do they hate? Hannah isn’t a helicopter parent. Her children are free range. They go around the farm barefoot and ride in farm vehicles without seat belts. *GASP* People hate her for that. They hate her so much they think CPS should be involved.

She romanticizes farm life. People hate her for that. She doesn’t talk a lot about life’s hardships. People hate her for that. She likes to feed her family from scratch. She was one of the best dancers in the country. She still looks beautiful dancing in fields of flowers or in her dining room. She’s WON national beauty pageants. She competed in the Mrs. World pageant a mere 12 days postpartum. She is co-CEO of their multiple companies. She works as an influencer with nearly 10 million followers. She’s devout in her faith. She has a supportive husband. She has EIGHT children.

Hannah has it ALL. And they hate her for that. 

You know what else Hannah has? Human problems. Human suffering. Human pain. Her father recently passed away. Apparently there are days she stays in bed. She works HARD and probably doesn’t get enough sleep.

You know what I know? I know she eats and poops, laughs and cries, just like the rest of us humans. I also know there’s a lot to her story, a lot we don’t see, a lot they choose not to share, and we all need more compassion and empathy before we judge their family harshly.

THREE. For many, when they decide to bring children into the world, the children become top priority. 

The internet hates life. The internet hates children. They hate the “chains” of motherhood. They hate that Hannah says she’s felt the most empowered after she holds “that newborn baby in [her] arms. The feeling of motherhood and bringing them into the earth, is the most empowering feeling I have ever experienced.” They hate that.

They hate that “tradwives” have sacrificed a particular dream because their dream and desire to be … traditional ― to stay at home, make a home, raise (and in some cases, educate) their children, etc. ― trumps other dreams. It’s simply MORE IMPORTANT in the grand scheme of things. I think it’s hard for people to come to grips with the idea of selfless, self-sacrificing love. The same kind of love that brings children into the world instead of choosing to end the life of a child in the womb in order to follow a dream.

They hate Hannah and Daniel’s views on the sanctity of human life.

We all have an opinion about what’s really going on, but we’ll never truly know the Neelemans.

Sure, we have a prerogative to talk about them … they’ve chosen to live in the limelight and welcome reporters into their home. Reporters who have their own prerogative to write an article and tell the story they want to tell.

But what’s wrong with Ballerina Farm? What’s wrong with Hannah Neeleman, woman whose 8 children run around during an interview and interrupt (p.s. that’s what kids do), whose husband interrupts (p.p.s. that’s what spouses do…try having a conversation with Joe and me…we’ll interrupt and correct and finish each other’s sentences….isn’t that true love, after all?), and has given up one dream for an arguably better dream? What’s wrong with a woman who believes she’s living her most fulfilled, most empowered, most meaningful life as a wife, mother, and entrepreneur?

I say NOTHING. Nothing is wrong with Hannah Neeleman’s choices. Perhaps she is actually living her dream life.