Est. 2011

August 8, 2018

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This is Motherhood – Finding Community (And Good Coffee) – Part 1

I’m a little over five years into my journey of motherhood, and I’m just now realizing the importance of community. Real, messy, honest, raw community. The importance of having that group – and it doesn’t have to be a large group – that you can draw on for support. Someone you can text at 11 PM because your baby has a fever. A friend or two to drink coffee with on a Saturday afternoon while the kids take their afternoon nap. A handful of ladies to invite over to “co-work” on your front porch for a few hours every month. A car-full of buddies to sneak away for a girls’ weekend full of good coffee and conversation and COMMUNITY.

Today’s post is sponsored by Brim Coffee, and I’m so excited to share more about my new favorite at-home coffee equipment as part of my brand new COMMUNITY IN MOTHERHOOD series!

It’s not only moms who need community. We are all social beings, with the ability and need to empathize and sympathize and converse and feel and relate. I’ve just recently had the realization that as a mom, especially in very beginning stages of motherhood, it’s very easy to turn into a recluse and never leave the home. Sometimes it’s just easier to not have friends. It’s easier to never answer the question, “how are you doing.” Without community, there is less comparison, less insecurity, less effort, less stress, less vulnerability.

There’s also less relationship and less support and less trust and less friendship. Community is oh-so-important. There’s a reason why the Swedish have this concept of fika. Fika is the idea of rest, of slowing down, of enjoying others’ company. Fika is not something you do by yourself. Fika is a ritual and something that you do in community. You engage, you slow down, you invest, you find time for others. And you share coffee and baked goods together. To me, good coffee and community go hand-in-hand.

At times it’s hard to simply make the time to slow down and “do nothing” and have conversations. Relationships take time and effort and sometimes as a mom you feel like you have no time and very little energy for anything that requires effort. But investing in others and unplugging and being present is so crucial.

I recently escaped to a local Bed & Breakfast with two mama friends. We ate good food and drank fantastic coffee and talked about our kids and our husbands and our jobs and our lives. Those conversations will be remembered for a long time.

I knew that our time together would include loooots of coffee, so I packed my Brim equipment. Raise your hand if you’re known for packing up your at-home coffee equipment and bringing it on the road! Every time we take a road trip, I pack a special “coffee box” with all my equipment and delicious beans. No use risking the possibility of not having good coffee while on vacation if you can simply fit a small box in the car. Amirite?

I’m falling in love with my new Brim equipment, which lets me brew like an artisan at home, but without the need to babysit my coffee while I make it. Admittedly, I’m a slow coffee lover. My morning pour over ritual is a morning must-have; it’s a beautiful time that I cherish. (And for my lonesome morning cuppa, I love Brim’s Pour Over Coffee Kit). But one of my biggest complaints with my solo brewing ritual is that it does not translate well to community. When gathering with friends, making coffee for everyone takes at least two cycles through the pour over, and by then, the first few cups are cold, and I’ve missed conversation at my favorite part of the evening, after the food is gone and the candles have dripped low, when coffee and conversation are flowing.

It’s for this reason, among others, that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE my new Brim 8 Cup Pour Over Coffee Maker, which has solved this gathering-with-others conundrum. The shower head design mimics the technology of the traditional pour over and pulses water in a circular pattern to achieve the perfect bloom. BINGO. Sometimes the beauty and ritual of brewing coffee by hand is impractical or too time consuming, and this coffee maker is my solution! 8 cups brewed in a few minutes, and all 8 cups are ready simultaneously. And for those who are not only looking for quality-coffee, but are also aesthetically driven, Brim has achieved a beautiful design that I actually WANT to be sitting on my counter. It’s sleek and modern! And how lovely does it look next to that stunning black and white toile wallpaper?!

Also packed for our ladies’ weekend: my Brim Smart Valve Cold Brew Coffee Maker! I’d never attempted cold brew at home before this new coffee maker, although I order it – almost exclusively – at coffee shops throughout the summer months. I love cold brew, mostly because it’s less acidic than hot coffee; the Brim Smart Valve Cold Brew Coffee Maker brews 65% less acidic. I’m not entirely sure what exactly 65% less acidic tastes like, but I do appreciate a less-acidic cuppa.

Having the ability to easily brew a quality cold brew concentrate at home, and have it ready for guests who might pop in unexpectedly, has been an awesome treat! I’ve been trying to practice more of an Open Door policy, so having coffee concentrate ready is really helpful! The concentrate keeps in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks, thanks to the awesome decanter lid! There’s also a lid for the brewing container, which helps preserve the flavor and keep the grounds from drying out. I packed a decanter-full for our girls’ weekend, and we found that it makes the perfect weekday afternoon cuppa iced joe, especially when enjoyed while dipping our feet in the pond.

The last new coffee tool I’ve added to my collection is Brim’s Electric Handheld Coffee Grinder, and I’ve fallen in love. What I love most: the perfectly even grind and the fact that I can turn it on and don’t have to stand there pressing the on button. It does take a few minutes to grind, but it produces the most beautiful, consistent, gentle grind. The slower speed helps produce less heat which preserves the coffee’s aroma, so I don’t mind waiting an extra minute or two! And there are 9 different settings to adjust coarseness, which ranges from French press to espresso. It’s also super compact, and it fits into our tiny kitchen well.

I believe that it is crucial for moms to make time for fellowship and relationships. It’s essential to have a support system. It’s helpful when our eyes are taken off ourselves and we invest in others. And it’s beautiful when we can rely on others when we’re in need of support. Whether we’re gathering in our homes while the kids nap, meeting at the neighborhood library for reading hour, or escaping for a night of girls’ time, we need each other. And it’s always a good idea to include artisan coffee we’ve made at home together! Making the time to getaway – even if for just a short period of time – with Jen and Meghan was refreshing and restorative. When we’re able to commune, uninterrupted, we can really learn about and invest in each other’s lives in a meaningful way.

I’d love to hear ways that you’ve found community in motherhood. What are some tips and tricks for those searching for community but don’t know where to start? My intention with the series is to aid mamas in their hunger and pursuit for community. To help them, to reassure them, to support them. I’ll be back soon sharing tangible ideas for finding community!

When are you coming over for a cuppa cold brew; it’s chilling in the fridge, just waiting for you!

Sponsor Note: Although this post was sponsored by Brim Coffee, all content, words, and ideas are my own. Thanks for supporting the partnerships that help keep this blog running.

Photography by Abigail Gallop Photo

  1. Tristin

    August 8th, 2018 at 1:08 pm

    15 years into this journey and I AM 100% with you. My mama friends help me remember who I AM by remembering who I truly was before I earned the title ‘Mama’. They help me realize that we are ALL aim this together and whether or not it’s apparent on the surface we are ALL going through the same struggles.

  2. Rebecca

    August 8th, 2018 at 7:33 pm

    Hi there, Tristin! Thanks so much for stopping by and for your comment 🙂 I’ve found so much comfort in simply knowing that I’m not alone. 1000s of woman have come before me, 1000s will come after, and we’ll all have the same struggles, joys, sorrow, sleepless nights, etc. It’s so important to be vocal about this and deeply connect with others! <3 Thanks again!!

  3. courtney

    August 8th, 2018 at 4:46 pm

    Beautiful. The words, the photos, the sentiment. We all need community and I love how you advocate as a blogger for community – especially in a day in age all about “me”. It is a beautiful reminder we ALL need relationships.

    Also, isn’t it interesting that most languages have their own type of “fika” except English? Or I’m just mistaken. But it seems like other cultures other than America has their own sense of lingering, being together, slowing down and enjoying.

  4. Rebecca

    August 8th, 2018 at 7:32 pm

    Hi Courtney! Thanks so much for sharing these beautiful thoughts! I feel like folks in the blogosphere in particular need community IRL even more than other folks since a lot of times our online “communities” aren’t super personal and they can actually be alienating at times. We ALL need more person-to-person interaction! 🙂 AND YES, I AGREE! I wish we had Fika (or Sobremesa) in English!! We’ll have to make our own word that captures these ideas! <3 Thanks again for your sweet words!

  5. Lisa Samuel

    August 9th, 2018 at 3:37 am

    I’m only 2 1/2 years in, but I’ve found that my friendships have evolved. Some have waned and some have strengthened, because of where I am in life right now. Sometimes it makes me sad, those friendships that I can’t pour myself into. But I have learned, like you, that it’s so important to surround myself with at least a few people who get me right now, and can love me in this stage of life. And I can love on them.

  6. Rebecca

    August 20th, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    Love these thoughts, Lisa! Thanks for sharing! Learning to accept the inevitable evolution of friendships has been HUGE in this motherhood journey! <3

  7. Alie

    August 27th, 2018 at 8:26 am

    Hi! Thanks for this post!
    I’mjus a newbie mom (8 months) and currently I’m very much in the “no time for friendship” phase. I just can’t seem to keep up with my old friends (all childless). The keep me posted on their wild and exciting lives and I just talk about diapers and such.
    And the moms i have met don’t know the “old” me and it seems just too time consuming to start a whole new friendship with those “stranger moms”.
    Guess I’ll just have to wait for my friends to have babies!

  8. Rebecca

    August 27th, 2018 at 5:13 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing, Alie! I hear you…the transition can be so tough! Are you able to connect with anyone/groups around common interests? I’ve found that sometimes it’s helpful, as a mom, to find people who have similar interests, and not just motherhood. Like a reading group or organize a neighborhood potluck or take a class/workshop where you might find new friends who share common interests. Hope you’re able to find IRL community soon, and in the meantime, you’re welcome here <3 🙂

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