Est. 2011

May 30, 2016

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Real Talk Real Moms | Co-Parenting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back for another installment of the #RealTalkRealMoms series, and this month we’re talking about co-parenting & who does what! I love being a part of this group of women sharing about real life and real family moments. I love that we all have so many similarities AND differences; I’ve learned SO MUCH from this group of mamas all across the country! We’d love to hear your stories and about who does what in your family, so please feel free to share with us & use #RealTalkRealMoms!

I’m super blessed to have been raised in an awesomely functional family (where my parents had very distinctive responsibilities), and my husband and I have such a beautiful relationship and we share so many responsibilities. I think I hit the husband jackpot though, because he’s really the most supportive and involved person that I know of, and I could NOT do what I do without him. It’s interesting, though, because even though I think my parents were basically perfect in their parenting, Joe and I do things super differently. I am not my mom and Joe is not my dad. I think a “perfect” division of responsibilities can look really different for different families. I think my dad maybe changed 5 diapers each for each of his 7 children. Joe’s changed at least 50% of our girls’ diapers. When the girls were babies and nursing through the night, Joe almost always woke up with me, changed their diaper, brought  the baby to me (along with a glass of water), and then tried to stay awake while I nursed. It was SO wonderful knowing that, although I was the one who actually had to wake up and nurse the babies, he cared enough to be there, showing his support and love in a very outward manner.

As for our responsibilities, we’ve never sat down with a pen and paper and divvied up what we’d each be doing as parents. It’s pretty much a given that, since he works outside the home (and provides for us primarily), I’ll be with the girls during the day, doing things that a stay at/work from home mama does: making meals, taking care of kids, laundry, etc. Thankfully, my work is conductive to working from home most of the time, which means I get to be home with the girls. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and since being a mom and wife comes first for us! Basically, this is what a typical day looks like for us:

MORNING
I know this sounds so silly, but one of the things I’m most thankful for is that Joe usually gets the girls out of bed in the morning. Depending on the time, he either brings them into bed to snuggle with us (only if it’s early & still dark out), or changes diapers, takes them downstairs, and starts breakfast. I’ll sneak in a few more zs. Those 15 mins of extra sleep can feel like hours and hours to me, and it’s amazing. On weekends, he’ll sometimes take them downstairs and let me sleep for an hour or two (I really love my sleep, haha). Once he leaves for work, it’s just me and the girls!

DAYTIME
During the day, I’m with the girls pretty much full time! My days with the girls are filled with trips to the park, gardening, chick-fil-a, splash pad (we’re so excited for summer), etc. My sister-in-law is a nanny and she helps to get me and the girls out of the house for adventures; I’m super thankful for that!

The girls are GREAT nappers, and they both take at least a 3 hour nap in the afternoon from about 3-6, and that’s when I get the bulk of my work done. Starting in June, I’m bringing on a mother’s helper AND an intern for A Daily Something, to help me with being more efficient in working from home and creating a little separation between work time and family time. On weekends, I try to escape to a coffee shop for a few uninterrupted work hours, while Joe stays home with the girls.

EVENING
I don’t always have dinner hot & ready when Joe walks through the door in the evening (sometimes I’ve gotten dressed only minutes before he arrives, haha), but I do try to prioritize family time around the dinner table. Sometimes we’re eating takeout pizza. Sometimes we’re eating grilled salmon with broccoli rabe pasta and a fresh salad. Sometimes we’re eating cereal. But it’s that time together that I really cherish and always want to ensure we’re providing for our children. He usually plays with the girls while I get dinner on the table. We eat together. Then we go outside or play together in the living room. I usually give the girls their baths (he insists I’m better at it…haha), but Joe gets them in their pjs and usually puts Naomi to bed, and we usually alternate nights with Zoe’s bedtime routine.

There are usually one or two evenings each week where Joe and I switch off “duties” as soon as he gets home from work. I’m ready to do, and as soon as he pulls into the driveway, I kiss everyone goodbye and go to a work event/meeting/dinner. He’s a trooper and is definitely better than I am at playing with the girls and putting them kids to bed! He’s so patient and sensitive!

I usually do the dinner dishes, mostly because I’m about 100x faster than he is and it’s painful watching him methodically scrape…..and rinse…..and scrub. 😉 But he ALWAYS unloads the dishwasher, since it’s my least favorite thing to do. Ever. If he forgets to unload the dishwasher before leaving for work in the morning, I’ll actually rinse the dishes during the day and just stack them in the sink. He’ll unload when he gets home, and I’ll get everything loaded after dinner. I really hate unloading the dishwasher THAT much. He does most of the yard work (he is teaching me how to take care of the veggie and flower gardens, since he’s genius and knows everything about gardening), and he always helps me deep clean the house every few weeks.

I feel most motivated & most inspired when it feels like we’re on the same team. If I’m working inside while he’s working on the yard, it feels SO GOOD…like we’re unified and working towards the same goals! Who does what in your families? I know that each family is SO different, and there’s really no right or wrong….it just depends on what works for your family (and lots of times just depends on where you are as a family). We’d love to hear how you do things! And don’t forget to read all the other mama’s thoughts on co-parenting:

 

 

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  1. Marcail Romero

    January 8th, 2019 at 12:23 am

    I just wanted to leave a comment to you. I stumbled across this article on Pinterest and decide es to read it and I just felt really overwhelmed that hearing how your husband helps with your children I just wanted to leave a comment to you hoping you will realize just how truly blessed you are. I just really felt compelled by God to tell you what my life is like. I am a first tine mommy and it has been an incredible beautiful blessing at times and then extremely overwhelming at times. I never really had a great mother so I don’t really know what it’s like to raise children but God is teaching me everyday to be patient and to love on my baby. My husband is amazing with children and has been around them all his life unlike me but the point is is that I have never really had my husbands support in anything. When I first had my baby he didn’t help me at all I literally had to do everything myself even though I was hurting extremely bad after my pregnancy due to the trauma of it on my body. When I would nurse and he would wake up he would not be there for me to comfort me. He did not want to change his diaper. Emotionally he was not there for me when I really needed him. I will say that it taught me to rely on God more because I felt so hurt that he would not help me when I was really struggling and feeling really bad about myself. The beginning of my day starts at 4:50 and I get up make lunches for my family and I get dressed go to work at 6 I stay until 4:30 waiting for my husband and then we go home and I take care of Asher the whole night. Playing with him feeding him while his dad usually just wants to relax from working and doesn’t really spend time with his son. I talk to him about it about our roles and how he needs to hel me out more but he doesn’t listen. Outer roles are I work a 6-4 job and come home an dtake care of my baby which I don’t have a problem I love taking care of my baby but it’s so exhausting when you have no one to help you and then he wonders why I’m so tired at night. He usually just works from 6-4:30 and then is on phone the entire night. I really don’t know what to do at this point I have tried talking to him and he doesn’t really care he says it’s my responsibility to take care of the children which I 100 percent agree with but I can’t do it alone and he seems to think I can. But I do need help. I rely mostly on the Lord I couldn’t get through a day without him. It hurts me a lot that he doesn’t want to help but I really can’t force him too. I guess in the end he will probably regret that he didn’t spend enough time with his son. Along with taking care of my son I also have to manage the house and cleaning it because he does not help either. I just wanted to give you some perspective as to what some moms may be going through and I ask that you pray for me and my heart. I love my husband he is an amazing provider I just wish he would help me and be supportive and he is not compassionate at all. Thank you for reading and I hope this blesses you somehow. God Bless!

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